A good game lives or dies by its hook. Geometry Wars had a
simple multiplier system and could be picked up quickly, whereas Vampire
Survivors offers a simple starting point then builds on it with each replay. Look
at something like Hollow Knight or Blasphemous, each title rewards exploration
and hard-won tussles with tricky bosses. You’ll probably notice I’ve selected
indie titles, and with good reason. Each of the above games are cheap to pick
up but offer rewarding gameplay, the pounds (or insert your regional currency
here)-to-hours ratio is a fair one. Pan-Dimensional Conga Combat on the other
hand, isn’t quite so generous.
The game plays much like Pacifist mode in Geometry Wars, but
your ship has a tail which can take out enemies. Hitting certain enemies with
the tail can also charge a laser attack. Once a certain number of enemies has
been destroyed, a gateway opens to the next level. One hit and it’s game over,
and that’s it.
Control is imprecise, mostly due to the inertia imposed on
the player’s craft. The tail follows the path of the ship, dishing out damage
on whatever it touches, and there’s a lot to contend with as enemies come in
from all sides, helpfully forewarning the player via an arrow indicating which
edge they’re joining the arena from. Some pre-planning is required in order to
have the ship’s tail waiting for enemies, as one hit will end the game.
Sometimes wormholes open to allow more enemies in, but they can be closed by
circling with your ship. Occasionally you’ll gain the odd power-up, but it’s
just more of the same over and over again, with no draw to pull you back in for
one more go.
The pixel art is nice enough and the music is pretty decent,
but the whole thing feels like it’s trying too hard to win you over with its
style and difficulty. And this is its biggest failing; it just can’t back it up
with the gameplay. The taunting triangle after every game over is more grating
than playful, and the music is limited to a couple of tracks, so can wear over
time.
And that’s basically it. The game feels like a mode within
something larger rather than a game in its own right. It features a couple of
modes and some multiplayer options, but the whole thing feels like an
incomplete thought, and what is there fails to entice the player back for one
more go. All in all, it plays like a half-baked attempt at an arcade score
attack title, but sadly it has no sting in its tail. Perhaps One-Dimensional
Conga Combat would have been more apt as a title.
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